Cockroaches and other excuses for not writing ...

I put on my big girl panties (as the saying goes) and took care of the roach bait traps myself, and luckily after my two-day murderous spree I haven't seen anymore inside the house.

So I can no longer use actual cockroaches as my excuse for not writing.

Writing you say? Why yes, I call myself a writer and have a couple of "works in progress". I'm not one, however, to let the lack of cockroaches keep me from a million other impediments to getting the writing done.

Most of my excuses are not physical things although the cockroaches work as a pretty good metaphor for all the things that I use to keep me from writing. Most of them are mental things, my own internal critic, my desire to please EVERYONE,  my fear of pleasing NO ONE, etc., etc..

I know, I know, every one agrees if you want to be a writer you have to write for yourself, not for others, and I do, kind of,  but like the crazy people inside my head I still want others to like what I write and want to read it.

Several people have offered to read for me, but just the thought, makes me get queasy and a little sweaty palmed. In fact a very good friend said he would read what I had so far ... and he doesn't even read, ever. And while I appreciate the offers I know I need to find a way around these "bugs" that keep me from moving forward.

To that end I went back to the beginning, in a way.

I have this fantasy that I am, in an alternate universe best friends with some amazingly creative people, and top of that list is Anne Lamott. (My other fantasy best friend is Sara Bareilles, she seems like she'd be a really cool best friend). I read her books, I follow her on facebook, well actually I guess I'm stalking her. She makes me laugh, she says stuff that is actually already in my brain, she is far more spiritual than I am but she forgives me for that too, but she swears like a sailor at times and for that I love her. If you're bothered by bad language skip this quote ... okay you've been warned:

“The best way to get quiet, other than the combination of extensive therapy, Prozac, and a lobotomy, is first to notice that the station is on. KFKD [K-Fucked] is on every single morning when I sit down at my desk. So I sit for a moment and then say a small prayer--please help me get out of the way so I can write what wants to be written. Sometimes ritual quiets the racket. Try it. Any number of things may work for you--an altar, for instance, or votive candles, sage smudges, small-animal sacrifices, especially now that the Supreme Court has legalized them.” 

I went back and listened to her give a talk called "Word by Word" which was like a mini workshop she did as she toured with her book "Bird by Bird", my absolute favorite book on writing,  and life.

So I've started re-reading the book. She's making me laugh all over again and realize how much I do want to write and keep writing. I would recommend this book for anyone just trying to get themselves to DO anything, particularly anything creative where they suffer from self-doubt  and low self esteem.

“If you always dreamed of writing a novel or a memoir, and you used to love to write, and were pretty good at it, will it break your heart if it turns out you never got around to it? If you wake up one day at eighty, will you feel nonchalant that something always took precedence over a daily commitment to discovering your creative spirit?

If not--if this very thought fills you with regret--then what are you waiting for?” 

I'm back at it, kind of, when I can quiet the voices in my head and get rid of the cockroaches in my writing life.

And for some of you, okay, I'm done for today talking about writing which bores some of you to no end.

On a Killing Spree ...

I am a murderer, and last night I went on a killing spree.

Cockroaches.

First, let me reiterate, the cockroaches in the Caribbean are really just a part of life, they are here (probably have been for thousands if not millions of years ... long before me), not due to a place being dirty, probably more likely because the place is built where the cockroaches already lived and when in search of food or water, sometimes it is found inside a dwelling. Unfortunately for them, the dwelling they chose happens to be mine.

I think I may have mentioned. I don't do bugs. I really don't do cockroaches.

So, while sitting a reading, minding my own business, out of the corner of my eye I see movement and there it is, just crawling across the floor. Half a can of bug poison later and it is on it's back, little legs kind of twitching. Sweep that baby right out the door.

About 10 minutes later there is another one. I tried to be a little more judicious with the poison, not because I didn't want to use another half a can but I started to worry about running out before my killing spree was over.

So final count was 5 large and 6 small roaches, which now litter the front walkway at my house.

There was a casualty, for which I'm sure I'll pay dearly. But I was in a frenzy and the light level was relatively low. I walked out expecting I might see a roach and there it was. I swore it was a pretty big size spider. Yeah, I do spiders about as well as I do cockroaches. So out came the poison and spray away. As I'm poisoning the thing I realize it doesn't really crawl across the floor like a spider an then I realize it is a tiny little crab, about the size of a nickel from claw to claw.

I'm certain the ocean gods will get me for this, but really what the heck was that crab thinking coming inside my house???

My real payment may be that I will die from inhaling bug poison  inside my house. I'm looking for an exterminator as we speak, I don't even know if they have them here.

Some Nashvegas time then back to Paradise

So, I arrived in Tennessee on a beautiful Sunday afternoon, went from the airport to South Street, a restaurant/bar in Nashville, for a beer other than Belikin (did I really say that?), then on to Jonathan's Grille for drinks and dinner and a visit with Brian before he jetted off back to California.

It was a great stay in Tennessee, made so very easy and relaxing by Greg, who not only picked me up at the airport but allowed me to stay at his home and use his vehicle during my stay. I got all my errands taken care of and then Greg and I met Paula and her lovely daughter Livie at Drake's where the adults had a couple beers and Livie just was her usual adorable self.

Thursday  night many friends gathered in Cool Springs at the Cool Springs Brewery, it was so great to get to see everyone again, and continue to try and convince them to come to Belize for a visit.

Allie

Lindsay

Lindsay, Tony, Kelli, me, Sandra, Greg, Rob, Alex, Jan,  Natalie & Cindy

Jan

Natalie and Cindy -- Natalie just gets more beautiful as she grows up!

Greg, Rob and Alex

Many thanks to all who came, sorry I missed those of you who couldn't make it.

Had a quick cup of coffee with soon to be new dad Kevin Sage, great to catch up before he is inundated with new dad duties. And thanks Kev for the intro to Aaron, we're meeting for a drink on Thursday!

Thursday the 1st finally came and Greg finally got to get rid of me, although at a price, he had to get up at 3 a.m. to get me to the airport for a 6 a.m. flight. I don't think there are adequate words to express my appreciation for all he did for me during my stay in Tennessee. Thank you again friend, and please thank Rob and Hasty for letting me "move in" to the guys house.

So it was off to Belize again. Have I mentioned how much I love having TSA pre check? And that Global Entry thing for coming back to the states. Worth every penny. Uneventful, easy flights from Nashville to Houston to Belize City to Placencia.

And when I arrived I got to move in to my new place:

I'm in the downstairs unit, a one bedroom with a reasonably large living room (comparatively). It is just right for me and behind this building not far is the ocean -- which is perfect for me.

Within a couple of days I was able to go snorkeling out to the inner reef with a group of medical students from India currently doing a two year program in Belize City, here for a long weekend. Best way to describe it was interesting, they were lovely young people although some of them didn't really even know how to swim, putting on mask fins and snorkel and getting in the ocean was almost overwhelming although they all did great and were amazed at what they could see under the water. In fact a couple hope to come back and learn to dive! The snorkeling was not the best I've ever seen but it was a good way to introduce these kids to the ocean in a safe environment. And I got to get wet which made everything better.

New neighbors have moved in to the cabanas where I live, including a really interesting man from Texas who is a vet and a published author, and I'm meeting more new people which is good. Working on really seriously getting back to the writing after a period of self doubt. And dreaming of an upcoming dive trip to Utila.

A Visit to the States

I arrived in Tennessee yesterday for my final stop on my whirlwind tour of the US before heading back to Belize.

I wondered as I was on the plane from Belize to the US if I would get here and be sad, wishing I hadn't moved or realizing how much I missed the US.

Truth? Nope, didn't happen. Yes I miss my friends here and wish I saw them more, and every once in a while I feel like I'd give my left arm for a really good green salad and I LOVED seeing my kids .... but overall, I really don't miss the hustle and bustle of life in the US. I don't watch TV anymore and I kind of like that. I don't drive anymore and have no need for a car (except those few occasions I wish I could drive to Belize City for dinner with Rob Harris and the Island Hoppers folks!!). I like my quiet existence on the little Peninsula of Placencia and the new friends I"ve made there. I really like waking up to the sounds of the ocean and the birds, and deciding which pair of shorts and t-shirt I should wear, and just walking everywhere.

And speaking of ... has anyone else noticed how cold it gets in the US? I stepped out of the airport in Sacramento and it was 60 some degrees and I was freezing!

So, I don't have Tennesse stories or pictures to share ..... yet, but I've had  such a great trip so far.

I started in Roseville, CA where I got to spend time with Cait and her best friend Gregg in their new home (new to them). Two real highlights (besides just hanging with my daughter), got to really spend some much needed time with one of my oldest friends (I mean she's been my friend for a very long time so stop giving me that look Elaine!).

And then there was this:

Cait, Gregg, Cheri and Me on our way to the game!
(Photo by Caitlin Jeffs)

A great place to see a game!!

Such a beautiful park, an absolutely great night in SF (it was about 60 degrees
which was perfect for Giants baseball), we played the Dodgers (BOOOOOOO)
and we won! (YAAAAYYYY)

I had arrived late Sunday night and the game was on Wednesday night. Early Thursday morning we got up to go to Virginia.

The rain that was forecast held off and it was a beautiful day for a wedding.

Such a beautiful couple and a wonderful ceremony.
(Photo by Caitlin Jeffs)

The gorgeous Bride and her handsome Marine husband.
 (Yes I'm biased)

This is Lindsey, my daughter in-law, she really was a stunning bride.
(she is basically stunning anyway)
Such a  beautiful dress too.

My beautiful daughter Cait next to her lovely sister in-law.
Yes, Lindsey is that tall and Cait is ..... petitte.

My sister Lisa made the wedding cake (this is about the 12th wedding she's made the cake for), it was just beautiful and delicious too!

Those are edible butterflies cascading down the side of the  cake.
White cake with chocolate-raspberry ganache filling and buttercream frosting. Yum!

When the Bride and Groom left they were sent off with sparklers instead of rice or bubbles or other stuff which was very cool!

Lindsey's family are lovely, her mom made the food for the wedding reception. Brendan is very lucky, looks like he not only scored with his lovely bride but with her family as well.

Oh, the proverbial icing ont he cake?  I got to spend time with this beautiful mommy,  this adorable little girl and her daddy.

Miss Nora Grace is the most well behaved baby ever.
Wish her big sister Em could have been there too.

I am so glad that this little family is such good friends to both my kids and their babies are really great photo subjects for Cait. And they were great traveling buddies too!

So I'm in Tennessee. Have a few bits of business I have to take care of while here, but mostly I'll be just visiting friends and taking it easy. I am so lucky, some of my friends have planned a get together for me to get to see a lot of them at once.We'll do that on Thursday, can't wait!

But, again, besides the friends I don't get to see or talk to regularly living in Belize, I am also looking forward to getting back there, away from the traffic, noise, crowds and general rush of life here. And when I go back I"ll be moving into the new place, hoping it is better for me than the last. My skin is just now starting to heal some from all the bites etc. So I"ll go back with a bit of a fresh start.

More Changes ... and a Visit .... Home?

It is a very weird thing to be planning a trip back to the U.S. and realize it is only for a short visit. I started to write someone a note and tripped over myself, was my arrival in the U.S. an arrival home or when I leave the U.S. on the first of May to return to Belize departing for home?

There are more changes for me as well.

The bugs won. At least the bugs on the side of the lagoon I'm presently living on. And I finally raised the white flag. So when I return from my U.S.visit I am moving back to the other side of the lagoon, where there is a bit more of an ocean breeze and less of whatever else it is that seems to attract the bugs. My poor body just could not heal, bites upon bites and never getting to just be, always covered in some kind of ointment, cream or poison. But I am feeling better that I am able to do something about it without giving up and returning to the U.S.

And other than that it has been a week of just living.

I currently have roommates, at least two but maybe more:

This one is on my living room wall.

Did you know that Gecko's make noise? They do. They are regular chatterers. I listen to them every night, chirping almost like birds. But I dont' complain because they eat bugs so I'm willing to share my house.

So as you likely remember, every month I have to go to Independence, pay my $50 BZD to get my passport stamped for an additional 30 day stay. The stamp I had expired on April 3. So on the 2nd I got up, got on the Hokey Pokey Water Taxi and headed to Independence. A cab ride to the immigration office to be told they didn't have a book and expected one to be delivered later in the day, that we should return the following day to get our stamps. I think what they really were missing was a receipt book, they need to write a receipt for the payment and then enter the receipt number in their log ... no receipt number, no stamp in your passport. I returned to Placencia for the day.

Thursday morning I got up and did it all over again but this time I got my stamp. I'm good til May 2. Of course I"m leaving here on the 13th to go to the states and returning to Belize on the 1st of May,which will allow me to stay until the 30th of May. Then I'll do it all again.

While waiting for the water taxi to leave for Independence there was this:

It is always nice to have a friend keeping an eye out at the front of your boat,
gotta watch for problems in the water.

Friday was spent doing what I usually do, not much of anything. I learned, however, that while I was heading to Independence to get my passport stamped there were manatees, righ toff the end of the dock at Paradise Resort. Really? Apparently it is manatee mating season so there is a chance that I might get to see some.

What I mostly have done lately is read. And read a lot. I think in the past three weeks I have read eight novels.

It is Saturday now, so I woke up and headed into town. After rowing across, on the road towards town I saw this:

Yep, that is a little fox.

I had heard that there were some little foxes living in the area, had seen a couple scooting behind some bushes but hadn't gotten any pictures. But this one started to trot away but then stopped and looked at me. I was a little surprised, it wasn't really running away. I was happy to get the picture but still surprised it was letting me. (I of course wanted to believe it just could get such a cool vibe from me it didn't feel it needed to run).

But then I realized probably why it was sticking around and watching me so carefully:

Those are little baby foxes.

No wonder the larger fox wasn't running. Protecting his/her young. Probably hoping to keep my attention away from the babies.

So I think I'll go see if I can find me some manatees or something else.

Diving ...... Finally.

I’m quickly approaching having been in Belize for 7 weeks, and I finally got to go diving.

Back home, my friend Greg had a student for open water training that was coincidentally already planning a trip to Placencia with a group of friends. Greg was kind enough to refer him to me. Although I can’t teach myself I was happy to the hook Harlin and Will and their wives and another couple up with Andre from Paradise Resort. Harlin was hoping to complete the first two of his four open water dives and Will, a certified diver, wanted to go  along just for fun. The other four in their group wanted to snorkel. It was only later that I learned that two of the women in the snorkeling group had wanted to learn to dive but both are pregnant so are putting off  their own dive adventure for a bit. Congratulations to both couples!

On Tuesday, another couple of relatively new divers from Canada, Carol and David, also joined our group as well as another two women snorkelers.

We set off at about 9 a.m. for Silk Cayes. We were told by Kenley and Max, our divemasters that the Cayes (pronounced keyes) consisted of 3 separate little islands. They were formerly called Queen Cayes but at some point the name was changed to Silk Cayes because of the silky sand on the cayes. (I can’t confirm any of this but it was a lovely story.)

The boat ride out was just over an hour, but went fairly quickly. We were lucky with relatively flat seas. I was hoping to see dolpins on the way out but no such luck. We stopped at Middle Caye which had a barbecue pit on it and an outbuildings which were the" facilities" (no it isn’t plumbed, no running water). There are a couple of “rangers” on the caye who gave us a briefing bout the caye and mostly the conservation efforts of the Gladden Spit/Silk Cayes Marine Reserve, the rules for diving and snorkeling there and their effort to raise money to pay for the rangers etc. This is also who you pay your marine park tax to ($10 US per day).

The cayes (North Silk, Middle Silk, and South Silk)  are part of the larger Southern Environmental Association (An NGO that co-manages three important marine-protected areas in Southern Belize ) and is closely protected. We were reminded that NOTHING can be taken from the Caye, alive or dead. No fishing, no lobstering, no taking conch, and no collecting shells. One side of the island was sandy while the other side had no beach to speak of and lead to shallow coral area. They warned snorkelers to only enter the water from the sandy beach side and do not step on any of the coral or they would damage and kill it

We dropped the snorkelers off, Harlin and Will both did a couple of skills in the shallow “confined water” area of the island before heading out to the dive site.

We did a back roll off  the side of the boat. Harlin and Will stayed with Andre, while Carol, David and I went with Kenley. We dove at a site called Silk Cayes North Wall.

It didn’t take long for Kenley to point out a huge Cubera Snapper and an enormous Goliath Grouper. The Cubera are the snapper that while spawning attract the whalesharks. We continued on and saw more large grouper, several really big lobsters and crabs and I was taken by surprise by a free-swimming green moray that was pretty big too.

The lobsters are huge.

This Green Moray surprised me a bit. I think at least 5 ft. long.

A Cubera Snapper, hard to tell from this picture but huge, at least 3 ft long.

Grouper. The underwater sign is to rub your stomach, like mmmm, mmmmm good.

As with many other areas in the Caribbean, in order to try and “train” some species to be a predator of the dreaded lion fish (an invasive species in the Caribbean), many divemasters have fed just speared lion fish to morays. Some have seen a moray actually eat a live lion fish so the training is working. But, this tends to also train morays and other predators that when there are divers near there is a possibility of an easy meal so they are more likely to be free swimming rather than in their usual hole. I have heard although not confirmed that they have done the same, feeding lionfish to barracuda, although the way the story is told the barracuda just saw an easy opportunity and struck while the lionfish was still on the spear. Hearing the teeth of the barracuda hit that metal shaft will give even the heartiest spearfisher pause. Barracuda can be very fast and have very sharp teeth

.

Note, in areas that can be fished, nothing can be taken while on scuba except for lionfish. Everything else must be taken while freediving.

After the first dive we rode back to the caye where the crew provided us with a wonderful Belizean lunch of stew chicken, rice and beans, and  coleslaw. We watched a baby lemon shark swim in the shallow coral area and watched some pelicans diving for fish, well it looked more like they were “bobbing” for fish since it was a bit too shallow for them to dive. There were several frigate birds harassing other sea birds to the point of giving up theier catch to the frigates … bullies.

After lunch the divers got back on the boat and headed to the second dive site while the snorkelers stayed with Max for another snorkel tour just off the caye.

I dove this time with Harlin, Will and Andre and Carol and David stayed with Kenley. On this dive I saw more huge lobsters (they must know that lobster season is over and they are relatively safe), but boy when one of them is frightened they can move like a shot. After Harlin did his required skills for the dive, Andre pointed out a couple toad fish, one of my favorite fish. I got a picture of a toadfish completely out of his usual hole, usually all you see is the head and face of the fish as it lies in holes under ledges in sandy areas. This one was spotted although Andre says they do have the Splendid Toadfish in these waters as well. They are really amazing looking with the yellow “beard”.

A Toadfish, maybe the first one I've seen completely out of his hole.

The usual view of a toadfish.

The French Angelfish, one of my favorite subjects

The lionfish looked very well fed, would have been nice if thre had been a speargun.

Smooth Trunkfish, another favorite. I especially love the "fish face".

We were a bit shallower on this dive and saw more juvenile fish, and some gorgeous French Angelfish. Also a lot of really big fat lionfish. Unfortunately no one with a speargun around, have to get them another day.

We rode back to the caye and picked up the snorkelers and rode a little ways away where we got to a snorkeling site. In my last post I posted this picture of a sailboat with all these other smaller boats stacked on it. I didn’t get it at the time but it all became clear.

Now I understand the sailboat is the hub and the fishermen each use their own smaller
boat and row out to their spots for fishing then return to the sailboat for cleaning and icing their catch.

Can hardly describe how huge the larger of these loggerhead turtles was. Just beautiful.

This area is known for the place where the fishermen come. They arrive on the sailboat and each fisherman then takes his smaller boat out and they spread out from the sailboat, and freedive for fish then return to the sailboat which has on board ice and an area for them to clean and store their catch. When they come back to the sailboat after fishing and clean the catch it attracts nurse sharks, stingrays, spotted eagle rays and turtles to the area. It is shallow, only about 10 feet deep and so we all snorkeled here. The turtles, loggerheads are humongous and known to be a little aggressive – it is feeding time mind you. Max was very careful to keep himself between each of the snorkelers and the turtles. It was a great opportunity for the snorkelers to see some of the larger animals usually only seen by divers.

The boat ride back was another hour or so, a little bumpy but those boats can move.

Our boat for the day, a back roll into the water, and then to get back on we took our gear
off and handed it up then climbed the laddre on the side.

All in all an outstanding day of diving. I wasn’t there but he report from the snorkelers was that it was great as well and that Max did an outstanding job as their guide. I know that we were all really happy with Andre and Kenley as our guides on our dives.

Congratulations to Harlin on finishing the first two dives towards his Open Water Certification. He plans to finish with Greg and the folks at Island Hoppers Scuba in Nashville when he returns. I don’t know, diving at Pennyroyal Quarry is just not quite the same as diving the Caribbean and a tad colder as well. Water temps for our dives was about 82F. I wore neoprene shorts and a rash guard. I’m a wimp and I got a little cold on the second dive, would have been happier probably in my 3mm shorty but live and learn.

Can’t wait to go again, I wasn't thrilled with my pictures this time but I find after some time off it feels almost like starting over when I get in the water with my camera. More reason to just go diving more often!

So when are you coming down to go diving with me?

Reality vs. The Fantasy

Reality is often not as great as the fantasy.

And so I must face the reality of what my life is like at this very moment.

There are many moments and hours and days when I wonder how I ever got so lucky, here I am in paradise, the Caribbean, living the life I’ve dreamed of. It is warm and sunny every day and even when it rains it stays warm outside it rains for a short time and stops. And for a person, me, who doesn’t do winter anymore, at least not well, it should be perfect.

But there are cracks in the perfection.

I have worked, always. Since I was about 15 I think I’ve always had a job. When I retired from the Sheriff’s Office I was at a terrible place, mostly emotionally and I spent way too many days cooped up in my house, doing nothing,  hiding from the world and hoping it would go away. Finally, with plenty of prodding, I moved to Tennessee to start over and be nearer my children.

The problem, and I know to many this will not seem like it should be that big of a problem, the problem with retiring when you are just 50 is that almost none of your contemporaries are also retired. It tends to make for a lonely kind of life. When you think, a trip somewhere is what I need, there is no one available to go along, they all have to work or don’t have enough vacation time for a trip with you and their annual vacation with family and friends.

So when I moved to Tennessee, not only did I jump into diving with both feet (pun intended),  but I also got two part time jobs. I don’t really do that well sitting around alone with nothing to do. I didn’t necessarily need the income, although I’ll certainly live my lifestyle equal to my income. What I needed was the social interaction that work provides, and something to fill my days.

Now that I am in Belize I find myself in the same predicament. I don’t really have that much to do. I can already hear most of my writer friends screaming at me, if only they had days on end with nothing else to do but sit and write. But, at least for me, it doesn’t work that way, what spurs the creativity and the words on the page is the everyday world around me, conversation – either my own or overheard – the ability to observe people as they go about their lives and watch and listen to relationships and dialogue, and staying busy, being useful.

But in Belize I cannot work. I’m confused because it seems like every other expat here for longer than a couple months has found a way to work. I’ll admit, many have started businesses here, something I don’t have the money to do.

And then there is this other reality. I found this little house to rent, the size is perfect for me, one small bedroom, a small kitchen and living area combined, and a bathroom. And it seems that every day I notice something new, a starfish right next to the little dock in front of my house where I climb in that rickety little dingy to row across the lagoon, a beautiful bird some type of crane I think, walking in my yard, a gorgeous full moon that makes the evening seem almost like daytime. But there is also this, I have been eaten alive by bugs on this side of the lagoon, something I didn’t have happen while in the little cabana on the other side. I think I look like I have some terrible disease, all the bites and welts on my arms, but my Belizean friends tell me no, all the white people look that way. I’m also told that it is likely that because  this house backs up to a heavily “forested” (mangroves) area there are likely many more bugs of different types on this side.

In my yard outside my house.

Full moon from my front porch.

Starfish off the little dock in front of my house.

I was willing to accept that there are bugs outside and I have to keep bug spray on at all times outside. But then I started getting bites even inside. So now I am constantly burning these coils that act like incense to ward off bugs, and I keep bug spray on even at night inside. Fortunately the bug spray I am using is an oil from several natural plants, no chemicals but to constantly be covered in some kind of oily substance … well, you get the idea.

Then there were the other bugs. Larger, not necessarily biting bugs but big, disgusting roach type, and beetle type and they are in my house .

You can thank me later, I was going to insert a picture here but decided not to, yuck. Just take my word for it, they are cockroaches and they are large (and to me they look gargantuan). Apparently they aren't like a sign of a dirty house but more a fact of life in the caribbean.

Were you one of those kids who loved bugs, picket them all up, pulled the wings off flying insects, studied them? I wasn’t. I don’t’ do bugs. I’m not happy to kill them but I can’t have them on me, or around me. So I have done what feels like my only solution, poison, and lots of it. I am using stuff that has about 8 ingredients, all chemicals that I cannot even pronounce.  It seems so environmentally un-friendly.

And some of these bugs are hearty buggers, they get sprayed with the stuff, it looks like they are dead and about 10 minutes later they start moving again. Oh, I have nightmares that are worse than any horror movies I’ve seen having to do with bugs. Ugh.

I’m fortunate, I have made a couple very nice Belizean friends who have offered to come over and help me de-bug the house. Do you know how silly I feel? Think of the scene in Annie Hall with the spider. I’m trying not to be a whiny baby but I just can’t get past this bug problem.

 Not to sound like a complainer but there is a problem here as well. These friends I speak of, they are the nicest people in the world, one has helped me move, has invited me to his home just to hang out, the  he and another friend and I have talked of just going fishing or out to the reef or something. But in Belize plans are fluid, which is fine. But, here people don’t have that sense of urgency that we as Americans are so used to. You know;  being connected – always, calling, texting, and facebooking. When they say, hey I’ll stop by this evening, that is a  definite …. maybe.  And there isn’t necessarily a call to let you know they can’t or aren’t coming. Its much more laid back than that. Takes some getting used to.

I swear it has almost reached a breaking point. A thought of giving up and returning to my cushy life in the U.S., where if you have a bug problem you call the apartment manager and tell them to take care of it.  If you make plans with someone, you set specific times and if you are going to be 5 minutes late you call and text. But I like being laid back and not always connected and  I refuse to give up on what should be the perfect life.

And as soon as those thoughts of giving up intrude, I see things like a gorgeous crane walking along the shore,  a spotted eagle ray in the shallows, dolphins breaching in the water less than 50 yards from where I sit, pelicans fishing, needlefish darting in the water, a local fisherman coming in to shore with two huge barracuda  or this man on his sailboat with boats stacked on his sailboat …. Well you have to see the picture, there just are no words.  And once again I am in love with this life as a traveler, and adventurer, an ex-pat and can’t imagine going back to the life I lived before.

Small spotted eagle ray in the shallows right off the dock at Paradise Resort.